Starting Golden Years Computer Services has been the most amazing thing we have ever done. There were a few nights I cried myself to sleep.  I’m sure there have been a few that Chris has too.  It wasn’t easy but we made it a year!  And the faithfulness of God has been so evident in all this.  When we only had 15 clients, my best friend and I prayed over those 15 people to build our business.  That day, Chris called to ask if we were praying, because his phone kept ringing and his day filled up with referrals from some of those 15 people!  We watched over and over again how God made connections for us, prompted people to call, networked us to people in the know, directed our advertisements, and caused our business to expand like we had never imagined.  Chris works hard (every day but Sunday!)  and we are blessed beyond measure!  In addition to the residential services we provide, we are now in the process of developing a new ID and logo for our 2nd division of the company for small businesses.  We are excited– and in awe– that this has happened so quickly

Our credit was devastated when I went through cancer and of course, with several tough layoffs through the years.  We were not able to take out a loan for the business, which in retrospect, was a good thing, but at the time, it sure made the road that much rockier.  With no money for an office location,  we set up shop in the 3rd bedroom of our home.  The girls were young enough to love sharing toys and a room, and I liked the security of not having to pay $1000 a month for an office space.  Fast forward to just a year later…my how things have changed!

Our home is tidy and clean.  It is not our dream home, but rather our starter home we planned on leaving a couple years ago.  As life would have it, that was not to be.  Our small home is now smaller, our girls are bigger, our family’s needs are changing, and this little house is no longer working as well as it once did.  Our living room is many times now  a reception center for clients, our dining room is a storage room for computer parts, the girls are starting to need their own spaces, one shared bathroom is becoming a nuisance, and the house just continues to close in on us!  We need a bigger house.  Chris needs an office bigger than a bedroom.

Because of how strict mortgage lenders have become, we are going to have a hard time finding anyone who will want to trust us with a new mortgage.  No, we have not been late on a mortgage payment–for 6 years now!  Yes, we are paying our bills on time.  But yes, we still have ugly marks on our credit for all my medical debts.  Yes, we made mistakes in the past that haunt us today.  I wish I could write some kind of plea to a lender, to show them where we came from, who we are, how we’ve overcome, and how we have changed!  But I need to just go to the One above the lender.  There is only ONE who can move a mountain like this.  I have decided to PRAY.  Yes, I know that this may be a long journey.  Yes, we are doing all we can to bring that credit score up, up, up!  Yes, I am praying a ridiculous prayer.   And I think that’s why God’s going to answer it in such a ridiculous way. Because I’m going to give him the opportunity to show off.

Watch and wait with me, friends.  Now I don’t believe that whole “name it and claim it” theology.  But I do think that sometimes we don’t get to see God move because we don’t expect Him to, and we don’t ask Him to.  Well, I’m asking.  And I can’t wait to come back to this post a year from now and see what God has done in this situation!  It’s awesome to me that even in the darkest situations, God gives me hope.  Thank you, God for your faithfulness!

Kari

I think about writing more often than I actually do.

My birthday was February 9th.  Chris took me out and my parents watched the girls.  We had a gift card we’d received at Christmas and were waiting to use it, it was to the Melting Pot! I’d never been, but heard wonderful things.  We got dressed up, we ate and ate and ate some more…and we still ended up spending money of our own on top of the gift card! But it was my birthday and it was memorable.  Sometimes I think you just have to allow yourself the opportunity to splurge!  Chris made it so special for me.  And he also got me a present! I don’t have a photo of it but it is a silver business card holder with a crown on the front, all blinged out! So pretty! And I use it everyday to give someone a business card for Golden Years!  Which is going fabulously, by the way! Sure we have our struggles but God provides for all our needs and we are just making our way, every single day.  Chris works hard.  We are seeing the benefits from that and it is starting to become a thrill to wake up in the morning and hear that business phone ring!

That Saturday, the 13th, my mom and sis and I took the girls up to the Assisted Living center to see Papa.  He is my mom’s daddy, and she’s been taking care of him, but the family decided he needed more 24 hour care.  He was diagnosed with beginnings of dementia and his body was becoming weak.  He lacked the ability to stand and was given a wheelchair.   Also, a recent scan had showed a spot on his liver.  This was suspected as cancerous, but because of his age and frailty, there was nothing they could do medically. We, along with his wife, Alene, decided not to even tell him.  There was no point in worrying him for nothing.  The girls were confused at first because they’d never seen Papa in a wheelchair.   He also had stubble on his chin and in my perception, his face looked, well, different.  He spoke very little and dozed in between the girls’ dancing around him and conversations about what he’d had for breakfast.  He seemed happy to see us, but the glimmer we were used to seeing in his eyes just wasn’t there anymore.  He looked tired.  He looked weak.  That’s not the Papa I knew.  I hid behind Trinity, who was sitting in my lap, while I wiped a tear away under my glasses.  He was dying.  It was hard to hear him speak of something that happened that morning as if it happened last week.  I commented on how nice the facility was and I pushed his wheelchair to the dining hall for lunch.  He laughed with us as Brooke told us how he can eat four apple fritters in a sitting.  I told him next week I’ll send Chris up with some fritters for him.  He laughed and I thought to myself that I should cherish that time. The girls started to get restless so I decided it would be best to keep the visit short.  I had the girls say their goodbyes and I kissed him on the forehead and told him I loved him.   He said he loved me too and we walked to the van and drove away.  Papa died the next day.  On Valentine’s Day.  I can’t be certain because I know he was alone in his bed, asleep when he passed, but I’m sure the thought process went something like this.  ”Hmmm.  I’m tired.  I think I’ll take a nap.  And Lord, if you’re ready, I’m ready.  Take me home.”  At 7 pm, the nurses came to wake him for his meds and he was gone.  At peace, asleep, in his bed.  What a peaceful passing and how romantic to know that he went to see Grandmother on Valentines’ Day!  Of course I cried and cried.  It hit me several times during the week that he was really gone.  I cried when I saw him at the viewing and I cried at the funeral when they sang his favorite songs, old time hymns like “I’ll Fly Away.” We laughed as we recalled how he would dance with the grandkids and great-grandkids.  He was always dancing.  Even at 86 he was dancing.  And knowing that I got a lot of my extrovert personality and silliness from Papa, well I can say with about 99 % certainty that he hated that wheelchair.  He wanted to dance! I’m sure the first thing he did when he saw Jesus was dance!

As sad as it was to help my mother now bury both of her parents, I do know that we all feel God was merciful to Papa and to us, to not let him suffer here on earth any longer.  Daddy said Papa had told him “I’m ready to go home” about a week before he passed.  So how can I really grieve when I know where he is? As Daddy always says, “It is not goodbye, it’s see you later.”   There is a sharp pain in my heart when I think of my sweet Gracie asking me through warm salty tears, “but who is going to dance with me?”    She loved him so much.  The girls both did well at the funeral but I hated to see Gracie lose someone she loved so young.  She did fine until they opened the casket and she saw him laying there.  We explained to her that everything that makes Papa, Papa, is in heaven.  His spirit and his personality are gone.  The body is left because it’s like the clothes we wear.  The clothes just come off and we are able to go to God without worrying about our old body-clothes getting in the way.  I think she understands.  She is only six and that is a lot for her, but she is so smart and spiritually mature.  I look forward to talking with her when she’s older about her perceptions as a child.  I know she will remember this and how she felt.  She is so passionate and bright.

Speaking of the Gracie girl, we just celebrated her birthday with a sleepover at Grandmommy and Grandpa’s house! She invited four friends, and Aunt Brooke and Grandmommy stayed to help me out with the chaos! Oh, and Trinity, too, because she is surprisingly very loved by all Gracie’s friends.  It was a great time for everyone!  We played Monopoly Jr, had a dance party, made our own mini pizzas, watched a movie, I read Junie B Jones to everyone for a bedtime story, and we had a super cool cake!  I have been wanting to experiment with fondant so I tried my hand.  I have to say, it’s messy, but it’s much easier and more enjoyable than I imagined! I like playing with Play-Doh and so it was fun for me! And it came out super cute~!

Gracie doesn’t officially turn 7 until Tuesday.  Since she and Jack, a friend in her class, share a birthday, Jack’s mom and I decided to split the “snack duty”–we ordered super girly princess cookies for Miss Gracie and all the girls, and manly cookies to honor Jack and his male classmates.  I think it will be really cute.  I hope to go up to the school and snap some photos.

Okay, and not to dwell on it at ALL, but I have to share that when Papa passed away, his bed at the assisted living was the guest bedroom in their house.  It was not bought by Alene or Papa, but by my beloved Grandmother, years before.  I remember spending the night with Grandmother and Papa in the house in Val Verde and that big brass bed was where we’d sleep after we had a bubble bath in the whirlpool tub!  Grandmother would turn it down for us and we would jump in! The bed was heavy, decorative cream and brass.  It was gorgeous.  I always loved it.  Well, it is now in my bedroom.  I kept our mattress since it is new, but the bed was just so beautiful and I am honored to have inherited it. The first night we slept in it, I cried and prayed and asked God to please let them know that I have it now, and thank you.  I know they would be happy to know it came to me.  They both knew the memories I have of that bed and how I cherished my time spending the night with them.

So all in all, we are doing fine.  Ever changing, constantly busy, but loving every moment of this chaotic and wonderful life.  We never know how many days we have but we should treasure each one!

My Papa and his bride.  Jack Melton, Sr. and Vera Maye Melton

Papa and his Great granddaughter, Gracie, doing some kind of crazy dance at Christmas in 2006:

Papa and his girls, the day before he passed away.

Me and Chris at the Melting Pot:

The girls at the birthday party, Left to right:  Kodi, Maya, Gracie, Arwyn and Molly:

Close up of the cake:

God has been dealing with me.  I have been listening.  I’ve learned that in any circumstance, if you are  not willing to just shut up and learn from it then you’re wasting it.  So I guess that makes me more prone to just chill now, instead of panicking about whatever happens.  Because I have learned to trust God in the good, the bad, and the truly bizarre.   I have learned that there is really not much to panic about.

A week before Chris lost his job at Dell, I had talked to a realtor about putting our home on the market.  I was renovating and packing, we shaped up our credit score, and I was scoping out the latest houses for sale in some nicer neighborhoods.   The vacation we planned was on the calendar for December 17th through the 25th, 2009.  Things were pretty spectacular and I had hope that things were just going to “go our way” for once in our lives.  And then…well, then we lost it.  The vacation fund needed to be drained in order to keep our mortgage on track.  The stuff I packed was moved from the dining room wall to the attic for a MUCH later moving date.  The renovations were pretty much stopped.  I just got tired–and depressed.  I felt like we could just never get ahead.  I felt like we were stuck.  In this house.  In this life of always hoping for something we may never attain.  It really hurt.

Now to the part God has been teaching me.  I was not content.  I became ungrateful for the house.  We *are* growing out of it, and moving is definitely something that is going to have to happen in the near future.  But God knew I needed something NOW.  This will look like a list of complaints, but it’s not. It is necessary though, to let you know why I was I was going crazy in here! And then in the italics are the solutions or thoughts he has replaced my chaotic thoughts with! It was truly a miracle, many things are easier to cope with now just by trusting HIM!

Organizing and straightening is a nightmare because there’s not a place for everything.  Things are squished, even after half of our stuff has been packed and about a third of it was donated.   With a bit more squishing and a bit more donating, I was able to condense the linen closet and the kitchen cabinets to provide not only more pantry room, but also 2 free cabinets for the things I stock with couponing!

The dishwasher takes up a lot of room in the kitchen.  It is a roll around and must be plugged in an outlet and connected to the sink to use.  Paper plates every now and then are okay.  The girls need to use the same cup all day.  Why is this a huge deal? Some people don’t have a dish washer.

If the dishwasher is plugged in, don’t try to do anything else in the kitchen.  Turning on the sink light, using the garbage disposal, making toast, or starting the dryer will undoubtedly short a fuse.  And of course, since the dishwasher uses the sink, making dinner is sometimes a challenge.  The other sink is in the bathroom, so if there are dishes running, the fruits and veggies are rinsed in the bathroom sink.  What else can I do?  Veggies washed in even the bathroom sink is witness to the fact that you are serving nutritious food to your family washed in clean water. You are provided for.

The girls share a room, and not only a room but also a bed.  This is not normally a problem.  The one factor we hadn’t considered is what to do if one child is sick, or trying to keep Trinity dry during the night,  or if the girls have a friend over, etc.  We don’t have room for two beds.  I guess I figured if it was good enough for the girls of Little House on the Prairie, it is good enough for us.  Yeah, not so much.  lol  Gracie is also growing into a stage where she will need some privacy soon.  This is going to be hard on Tiny, but with just one room, I can forsee a Brady Bunch situation coming on.  I know that one day I will walk in to their room to see a taped line right down the middle of the floor.  I wonder who will get access to the door and who will have to climb out a window? Spending some quality time with Trinity while Gracie gets away for “me time” is going to be vital to both girls’ growth.  When Gracie asks for space, I will do my best to honor it by asking Trinity to play a game with me, or help me do household chores.

Our living room is tiny.  We don’t have enough room for any more seating than the sofa and the recliner.  I hate having to pull out folding chairs and sit on the floor when we entertain.  And I just love to entertain.  I would more if I had a bigger house. So I gather ideas about what seating will look like in the next house.  We will not be here forever.  Maybe finding joy in small parties and backyard get togethers is the solution for now.  There will be plenty of time for this.

We have no utility room.  We have a washer and dryer next to the dishwasher in the kitchen.  Sigh.  Next house, this is going to be the first thing on the “NEEDS” list.  Laundry goes on the bed before it can be folded.  If it can’t be folded immediately, it goes in baskets on the floor.  Then it stays there till I can get to it.  In a week…just cluttering up my room. This is my most brilliant answer to prayer I got regarding the house.  God told me to change it up, and once I did, I couldn’t believe how much more efficient I became.  We have a changing table that looks like a nice piece of furniture.  It holds a ton of stuff and it was unused.  I brought it into the dining room and bought an over the door rack for the water closet door.  I renamed it my laundry station.  Instead of having a bunch of clothes piling up on our bed, I immediately put them in the laundry station.  Storage inside keeps outgrowns to donate or ebay when the season is right.  Wicker baskets in the cubbies are perfect for socks until they are reunited with their match.  Clothes get hung almost immediately, but even if they sit in the basket it is all out of the way and out of sight.  This has decreased my stress a million times over!  Creativity is key!

Chris’ office is about three times too small.  He has already run out of space to put clients’ computers.  While we take this as a good sign (business is good!) we can’t really have him working in a space so small for much longer. We bought pegboard and a workbench for him to organize his stuff.  The pegboard holds bins for small items such as screws and there are places for cables and cords.  I cleaned out the former “stockroom”–the closet that was used for all my coupon stock– and we are now using the space for his business.  Things he needs to store, things he needs easy access to, anything he wants to keep tucked away can go in there.  It isn’t the long term solution that we are looking forward to one day, but it does keep things a little more liveable in the here and now!

We have no garage.  This is only a problem on two occasions:  When there’s a thick layer of ice on the window of the van and I have to scrape it at 6:40 in order to get Gracie to school, and when the neighbor kids look down the street to see the van in the driveway– somehow that is a welcome mat.  Sigh. Well, I have no creative solutions to getting the neighborhood kids out of my house.  Any suggestions? If I tell them the girls can’t play, they come back like 10 minutes later to ask again.  Worse than roaches if you ask me.  At least roaches you have the satisfaction of getting rid of one every now and then!  The ice thing–we just watch the news.  If it’s going to be icy, and we have to be up early, we throw a sheet or blanket over the windshield.  Yeah, it’s not ideal but it saves us time in the mornings.

Our master bedroom is only a master because it has two closets.  Two small closets, but two closets nonetheless.  There is no master bath.  Our house has only one bathroom…which brings me to the next point.

When someone is needing to use the bathroom bad, their options are to demand whoever is in there get OUT immediately or go outside.  Yes, we’ve all done both.  And I can’t tell you how either option sucks.  Royally.  I know you’re probably laughing right now, and yes, that’s fine, one day it will be funny to me, too.  But if you’ve ever had two children in the bath tub while your husband pounds on the bathroom door that we need to get out RIGHT NOW or else…well, you’ll understand.  This is also a problem on chaotic mornings when we all need to brush our teeth, go potty, blow noses, fix hair, find the Advil, etc.  We just have to be more intentional about asking the other family members if they need to use it if we plan on showering.   I can do that.  We can do this…for as long as we need to.  We just have to remember to be more courteous when it comes to bathroom sharing.

Space.  There’s just not any. Stuff.  There just needs to be less of it.   The kids don’t need many toys to keep them happy, and if we’re done with something, I pass it on.  No sense in making them hang onto it.   What kind of example is that if I make them keep a toy they don’t love?   We also don’t buy them toys for rewards or any other time besides Christmas and birthdays.  This has helped a TON!

Starting the new business helped us cope with the money situation, although you have to spend money to make money!  Advertising, the cost of starting the home office, all the supplies and start up costs were covered with our savings.  We put it all on the line and just prayed that things would be okay in the end.  Seven months later and we are finally seeing the fruits of our labors and our faith.  Things are going well.  It is easier to see the light at the end of the tunnel, I suppose, even if it is just a faint glimmer right now.  I know that God will help me be content because He knows our needs and He knows our wants.  He gave us this house and I have to believe it wasn’t a mistake.  The season has not changed without his knowledge.  He is preparing a new place and will provide when we are ready.  In His Mercy, he has not let us have a place we are not ready for.  So until we are, we will continue to try and be creative and content with the things we do have.  Our satisfaction is not rooted in things anyhow, it is in Him.

If you’ve stayed with me for this rambling, well, thanks. Maybe it was just a reminder for me, I dunno. Just remember that the key to contentment is sometimes just the perspective with which you see it!

So I’m struggling with updating.  As you can probably tell, if you still even follow this thing…

The problem I am having, I think, is the fact that there was definitely a purpose in my writing.  My very first blog post was about Gracie.  We established GracieMoroz.com so that our family out of town could keep up with the new baby.  That was almost seven years ago now.  Soon Gracie was talking and the blog was all her antics and sass.  It was basically about Miss Gracie for about three years until we left the ministry at First United Methodist Church, not of our own volition, but under a senior pastor who made some horrible decisions by cleaning house including most of the staff.  The blog became sort of therapy as we dug through the heartache of leaving a ministry we had devoted our lives to for the first years of our marriage.  It became a victory cry that God was still on His throne, and our family would be fine.  We weathered the storm and I blogged my lil’ heart out. It was therapy somehow.

Then came Trinity, and the blog rolled on.  Sisters, new baby, adjusting to the family of four.  GracieMoroz.com became Morozfamily.com and I was all about blogging about life, whatever came our way.  Then came the diagnosis of cancer.  I remember writing that post, entitled “I hate to be the one to tell you this” and writing in between Trinity’s late night newborn feedings.  I remember the thousands of responses and letters that seemed to flood my email on an hourly basis.  I remember feeling the support from all over the world, and in turn, as if to give an offering back, giving my honest account of what it was like to be 29 with aggressive stage 3 breast cancer.  And the mother of a three year old and a newborn baby.  And then there was the layoff with AOL.  And then there was Dell.   And then there was yet again a job loss at Dell.  There was heartache and pain but by that time we’d been given a peace about whatever seemed to come our way.  Nothing much made us too worried because through all the circumstances life threw at us, no matter what, our faith stayed strong.  Our hearts were heavy at times, but the faith in God was the thing that held us together.  Even on the worst of days.

So we started the business.  I blogged.  I facebooked.  I passed out cards and became the PR for Golden Years Computer Services.  I told you all that it was a step of faith.  I said it was hard, even though we trusted God.  It is still hard.  Six months into the business, and yes, it’s still hard but we are making it.  We have found a niche and people like us.  They like our company and they like our services.  All is well in our little house.  But…

We have been once again trudging the uphill battle against cancer in our family.  My father in law, Dick, was diagnosed with bladder and prostate cancer just a few days before Christmas.  The scariest part of cancer in my opinion is that you’re sick but you have to just let the sickness hang out in your body and contaminate you until they can get it out.  Chemo and radiation were not options in this case so our only choice was to wait until they did surgery.  They removed his bladder completely and were able to eliminate what was left of the cancer. Pathology showed he is clear, which is great news.  The hard part now is trusting that he will stay clear.  He has been at home recovering and he looks healthy, which is good.  I know he’s had some hard days, but that is to be expected.  I know now that watching a family member you love suffer through the effects of cancer is far worse than being a patient.  I am praying for the opportunity to be as much of a supporter to him as he was to me during my journey.  This is hard for me because he doesn’t like to talk about his feelings, and of course, I’m an open book.  But I know that there is a reason that I had to go through what I did, and I know I’m not supposed to keep it bottled up inside.  If it can help people, great.  If it can help a very loved family member get through this time, then I am grateful to have gone through it.

Personal life:  And then there was… well…  There was nothing.  Sure, I could bore you with all the things I did today, including laundry and endless amounts of dishwashing or mom-taxi-ing my way around Bethany schools.  But I just don’t have it in me, and honestly, there are enough blogs about that, right?  You don’t need mine.  My experiences now are just pretty everyday, normal, vanilla, plain jane.  There is nothing about me that makes me stand out. Maybe it’s a feeling of “normal” that I am having trouble identifying with, oddly enough.  Maybe it’s because I have reconstructed boobs and my hair has grown out from that shiny bald chemo head I once rocked.  Maybe it’s because I have no excruciating treatments to tell you about, no life lessons from the oncologists’ office, no words of wisdom from the infusion room.  Maybe it’s now that I stop relying on the things that made me so different from you and start relying on God to give me the words to make a difference.  This time, though, just as Kari. Just what God is teaching me and what I am learning.  Of course there will always be adversity and I will always be the optimist.  There will always be overtones of hope and faith and happiness.  I can’t hide that, it’s who I am.  So stay with me, the blog is once again changing.  I don’t know what it will look like in the end.  I imagine that if I gathered it up from 7 years ago to today, it would be quite a biography.  So many lessons learned, so many battles fought, and this family just keeps getting stronger and stronger.  So if you’ve wondered why I’m not blogging, that’s why.  If you’re up to it, though, come with me. Twenty ten promises to be a better year than we’ve seen in awhile, and I’m looking forward to telling you all about it.

Peace and Love,

Kari

They are in the process of cleaning out their stuff.  Anything that is still usable and in good condition that they feel like someone else would enjoy, it’s going in this box.  Isn’t this truly how Christmas should be spent?  Giving to others in need, in the love of Christ?  My kids are amazing and some days I feel like I really don’t deserve them.  The beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair…so true.  Especially when it comes to my beautiful little girls and my amazing husband.