So I’m struggling with updating.  As you can probably tell, if you still even follow this thing…

The problem I am having, I think, is the fact that there was definitely a purpose in my writing.  My very first blog post was about Gracie.  We established GracieMoroz.com so that our family out of town could keep up with the new baby.  That was almost seven years ago now.  Soon Gracie was talking and the blog was all her antics and sass.  It was basically about Miss Gracie for about three years until we left the ministry at First United Methodist Church, not of our own volition, but under a senior pastor who made some horrible decisions by cleaning house including most of the staff.  The blog became sort of therapy as we dug through the heartache of leaving a ministry we had devoted our lives to for the first years of our marriage.  It became a victory cry that God was still on His throne, and our family would be fine.  We weathered the storm and I blogged my lil’ heart out. It was therapy somehow.

Then came Trinity, and the blog rolled on.  Sisters, new baby, adjusting to the family of four.  GracieMoroz.com became Morozfamily.com and I was all about blogging about life, whatever came our way.  Then came the diagnosis of cancer.  I remember writing that post, entitled “I hate to be the one to tell you this” and writing in between Trinity’s late night newborn feedings.  I remember the thousands of responses and letters that seemed to flood my email on an hourly basis.  I remember feeling the support from all over the world, and in turn, as if to give an offering back, giving my honest account of what it was like to be 29 with aggressive stage 3 breast cancer.  And the mother of a three year old and a newborn baby.  And then there was the layoff with AOL.  And then there was Dell.   And then there was yet again a job loss at Dell.  There was heartache and pain but by that time we’d been given a peace about whatever seemed to come our way.  Nothing much made us too worried because through all the circumstances life threw at us, no matter what, our faith stayed strong.  Our hearts were heavy at times, but the faith in God was the thing that held us together.  Even on the worst of days.

So we started the business.  I blogged.  I facebooked.  I passed out cards and became the PR for Golden Years Computer Services.  I told you all that it was a step of faith.  I said it was hard, even though we trusted God.  It is still hard.  Six months into the business, and yes, it’s still hard but we are making it.  We have found a niche and people like us.  They like our company and they like our services.  All is well in our little house.  But…

We have been once again trudging the uphill battle against cancer in our family.  My father in law, Dick, was diagnosed with bladder and prostate cancer just a few days before Christmas.  The scariest part of cancer in my opinion is that you’re sick but you have to just let the sickness hang out in your body and contaminate you until they can get it out.  Chemo and radiation were not options in this case so our only choice was to wait until they did surgery.  They removed his bladder completely and were able to eliminate what was left of the cancer. Pathology showed he is clear, which is great news.  The hard part now is trusting that he will stay clear.  He has been at home recovering and he looks healthy, which is good.  I know he’s had some hard days, but that is to be expected.  I know now that watching a family member you love suffer through the effects of cancer is far worse than being a patient.  I am praying for the opportunity to be as much of a supporter to him as he was to me during my journey.  This is hard for me because he doesn’t like to talk about his feelings, and of course, I’m an open book.  But I know that there is a reason that I had to go through what I did, and I know I’m not supposed to keep it bottled up inside.  If it can help people, great.  If it can help a very loved family member get through this time, then I am grateful to have gone through it.

Personal life:  And then there was… well…  There was nothing.  Sure, I could bore you with all the things I did today, including laundry and endless amounts of dishwashing or mom-taxi-ing my way around Bethany schools.  But I just don’t have it in me, and honestly, there are enough blogs about that, right?  You don’t need mine.  My experiences now are just pretty everyday, normal, vanilla, plain jane.  There is nothing about me that makes me stand out. Maybe it’s a feeling of “normal” that I am having trouble identifying with, oddly enough.  Maybe it’s because I have reconstructed boobs and my hair has grown out from that shiny bald chemo head I once rocked.  Maybe it’s because I have no excruciating treatments to tell you about, no life lessons from the oncologists’ office, no words of wisdom from the infusion room.  Maybe it’s now that I stop relying on the things that made me so different from you and start relying on God to give me the words to make a difference.  This time, though, just as Kari. Just what God is teaching me and what I am learning.  Of course there will always be adversity and I will always be the optimist.  There will always be overtones of hope and faith and happiness.  I can’t hide that, it’s who I am.  So stay with me, the blog is once again changing.  I don’t know what it will look like in the end.  I imagine that if I gathered it up from 7 years ago to today, it would be quite a biography.  So many lessons learned, so many battles fought, and this family just keeps getting stronger and stronger.  So if you’ve wondered why I’m not blogging, that’s why.  If you’re up to it, though, come with me. Twenty ten promises to be a better year than we’ve seen in awhile, and I’m looking forward to telling you all about it.

Peace and Love,

Kari

They are in the process of cleaning out their stuff.  Anything that is still usable and in good condition that they feel like someone else would enjoy, it’s going in this box.  Isn’t this truly how Christmas should be spent?  Giving to others in need, in the love of Christ?  My kids are amazing and some days I feel like I really don’t deserve them.  The beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair…so true.  Especially when it comes to my beautiful little girls and my amazing husband.

I promise, faithful readers, I’m trying to be better about updating.  Sigh.  Life is moving at light speed these days!

We’ve had a ton of stuff going on, and it just wouldn’t be fair if I left out any of it.

First, some sad news but worth mentioning.  When Chris and I were youth pastors at First Church OKC, we had a ton of awesome kids.  Fun-loving, God-seeking, awkward staged, brace- faced, smelly, precious, kids.  They came from all over the metro and from all kinds of homes.  Some were born on Saturday and in church on Sunday.  Others wandered in but had no idea why.  We loved them all.  Even the ones who were unlovable by anyone else.  Many of them we kept in contact, mainly through facebook.  Some we never did see again.  I wondered often about them, but hoped they were doing well–after all they were not kids anymore.  The hope we carried was that the time they were with us, they learned of God’s love and faithfulness to carry them into their adult lives.  So when I heard of the news of 21-year-old Brooke Phillips’ tragic murder, it devastated me to the core.   She was a silly fifteen year old who attended crossmind and found Jesus in the midst of peer pressure, an unconventional home life, a tough school, and her own insecurities.  To hear that she was a prostitute in the MoonLite Bunny Ranch, a reality TV star on HBO’s CatHouse, pregnant, and murdered all in the same day was shocking to say the least.  I cried for days.  There was no peace.  I cried myself to sleep and woke up bawling from nightmares.  I couldn’t shake the imagery that the News portrayed.  Stabbed, shot, set on fire.  My poor Brooke! That sweet child!  I don’t care where she went or what she did–she was one of my princesses. She was God’s.  I know the hell she lived here all fell away when she left this place.  Heaven is now celebrating that the child that once trusted Jesus as her savior is now complete.  No pain, no addictions, no self-loathing or low self esteem, no reason to believe that she has to be someone she’s not.  Thank you, God, for your redemptive power.  Even to the ones of us who continue to run away with our wayward hearts and our lack of faith.  Thank you that you can save even me!

And a second tragedy hit our small town as well.  A man named John Griffis passed away.  He was a father, a husband, teacher and coach at Bethany Schools, friend to many.  Our family did not know him, but we know his wife, Saundra.  She was always smiling when she would arrive at the school and help Gracie out of the van into the school building. Gracie would sometimes “help” her make coffee and visit with Saundra until breakfast was served.  This little gesture of kindness during Gracie’s first year of school at Bethany set the tone for how she feels about school now.  She was welcomed and loved on by Saundra, and Gracie looked forward to seeing her every morning.   So when we found out that John had been hospitalized, and passed away less than a week later, we were so deeply saddened. Please, pray for Saundra and the four children he left behind.  The family is obviously devastated by this loss but there has been such beauty from Saundra’s blog, and from the outpouring of love from this city.   There was a day that a local pizza parlor donated the proceeds from their sales to the family.  Another day, our Chick- Fil- A donated a percentage from lunch and dinner to the memorial fund.   It was the greatest thing to walk into a crowded Chick Fil A to eat lunch with a couple hundred of my closest friends!  Knowing it was all for the Griffis family made me so grateful to be in such a wonderful, loving, praying community.  Salon Envy and several other local businesses have made T shirts available, all proceeds going to the family as well.  They sent home an order form from the school today and all the kids are going to wear them all together next week.  I hope that this support and love is with the Griffis family for their entire lives.

The girls are growing so fast! Gracie is excelling in school and has a passion for reading and ballet.  Trinity just gets funnier every day.  We still have a hard time understanding what the heck she’s saying half the time, but she’s really cute and silly.  We are fortunate that we have such smart, beautiful, healthy children.  They are truly a blessing, even when they’re being crazy.  Trinity asked me if I thought she was on Santa’s naughty list.  She’s just so funny!  And possibly pretty perceptive…I told her she’d have to quit peeing her pants if she wanted off the naughty list.  We’ll see if that happens!!

We are having Christmas here this year, at least at first.  While in the past we’ve spent the night at Chris’ parents’ house, we have missed having Santa come here!  So this year, our stockings will be filled and Santa will leave gifts here, and then we’ll go over to open presents and join the family.  My family, we usually see later in the day, and so this works out perfectly.  My favorite part of Christmas is getting to have all my family with me.  The convenience of our parents living only 10 minutes apart is so great on holidays where travel is stressful and kids get overwhelmed!  I’m fortunate in that way, I know so many people have to travel!  We’re so lucky too, to have Chris’ sister, Katie, her husband Jason, and their son Joby, home this year.  Well, home in Oklahoma!  They lived in New York and are spending a year here for Jason to finish school.  We are enjoying them being here so much and I love, love, love that sweet nephew of mine!  The girls adore their cousin and I’m looking forward to cherishing every moment of Christmas that we get to spend together!

I can’t really say a whole lot yet, because I don’t know a lot yet, but just today the pathology came back that my father in law, Dick, has cancer.  I told Janie yesterday, “I don’t want to do it again, but I will do it again.  And we will go through this again as a family.”  I love them so much and to be on the other side of all of this is really, well, strange.  It was me last time and everyone was strong for me.  So I didn’t really have to be, if that makes sense.  But now, I somehow need to be strong for him, and I don’t think I do that well.  I’m going to just trust God and do the best I can to draw strength from what I know.  And Who I know.  Cancer isn’t something you get through by yourself.  He has a great family to pull him through.  In the moments that seem things are falling apart, we have  each other to hold one another up.  And that’s what I plan on doing.

Apologies for this Debbie Downer post.  I’ve been putting off a lot of it because it isn’t happy…most of it is sad. But it is tinged with hope, and honestly I’m getting quite used to the circumstances of life being less than beautiful.  Relying on God to give us our provision, our health, our strength through loss and illness…it’s become a way of life for us.  I am really okay with it on most days.  Sure I have my moments but it’s through the fire that we are refined.  I guess if I’m going to be who I am supposed to be, it’s going to take all this heartache of life mixed in with the true, good, and perfect moments, put there by God to sustain me.   It’s in choosing to believe that life is good, even when circumstances say otherwise, that we become who we are meant to be.

And now, I’ll show you a few more pics of why life is entirely so beautiful and grand for me.  When nothing else can be called good in my life, I have them:

Wow, that was fast! October flew by and here we are almost to the middle of November.  The Moroz family has stayed oh so busy with school projects, Thanksgiving programs, working on the new business, and those girls–they are both so brilliant.  Trinity has learned how to recognize her name at her school.  She’s also getting very good at writing her “T” and points it out on every sign we pass.  Good girl!  Mary Grace is excelling in school and just today made 2 100′s on her Accelerated Reading tests.  We are so proud of her.  We also just love her teacher, Mrs Cochran.  She is a patient woman who really understands and loves her.  She has been a godsend for us this year.  I just can’t imagine going to school anywhere else!

First Grade does a Thanksgiving program and Mary Grace was a pilgrim! She did such a great job and sang her first solo.  It was very sweet.  She really has a great voice and I hope that singing a solo will give her the confidence she needs to continue to perform on stage.  She’s still doing ballet as well.  She’s always been a bit of a performer, so I’m not really surprised!  She’s an amazing child.  I know you can’t tell I absolutely adore her.  =)

Can I talk just a minute about our business?  We are doing well but we could always use your recommendation to your friends and family.  We can remotely fix computers anywhere on the planet, so if you have a computer and it needs virus removal, updating,  etc, we can do it!   Check out our website at www.goldenyearscomputerservices.com

…and if you’re looking for a great Christmas gift, you should check out www.goldenyearscomputerservices.com/Christmas Get one for you and a friend!  At that price,  it makes a perfect Christmas gift AND a little something nice for your computer as well!

I’m just so proud of my husband and all he’s accomplished with our business.  He really knows what he’s doing.  We have had a few times where there have been doubts, and days where things aren’t perfect.  But all in all, we have learned that God is in control and He is blessing our business.   It is so obvious to those who have offered their prayerful support!  My best friend, Kendra and I were praying just this morning.  It was a rough week last week so we just prayed and really asked God to bring us the business we needed to get through this week…well, not 15 minutes after we had finished, Chris called.  He asked what time we were praying for the business and I told him.  Turns out that’s the time he got three new phone calls from people who needed his help!  Of course, Kendra and I were ecstatic and it was so cool to share that moment of our lives together. Thank you, Lord, that even when we can’t see you working, you still are! And thank you, God that this business is yours.  I think about Chick Fil A and Hobby Lobby and Mardel, how those companies are so obviously run by people who dedicated it to the Lord in the very beginning and never looked back, never forgot God was more important than their success.  I want to be like that!  I am so thankful that we are 5 months in and we are still afloat! Only by the grace of God.   May we never, ever forget that. 

Now for some pics?  Okay…if you insist.  1. Thanksgiving program–Indian Molly and Pilgrim Mary Grace. 2. Halloween–2 ballerinas (surprised?)  3. A fall visitor! Such a perfect way to see beauty in nature!  She let us watch her grow in that cocoon and one day she came out.  The girls were so excited! 4, 5, 6.  Some pics from a photo shoot..more to come!

It’s here!  It’s here! It’s here!  We’ve not turned on our air conditioner in a month!  Wooo hoooo!  And yesterday we even turned the heater on for the first time.  Bust out the hoodies, pumpkin spice lattes, bags and bags candy corn,  catching some Sooner football, and pumpkins appearing on doorsteps all over the neighborhood. Oklahoma has officially reached Fall.

Did someone say candy corn???

Of course, with a true Oklahoma Fall comes lots of coughing,  raking mounds of leaves, the countdown to Christmas (UGH!) and the girls spending lots more time INSIDE the (tiny) house.  Two weeks ago, Trinity developed a fever and by the time we got her to Dr Stephens’ waiting room, her little eyes were drooping, she was lethargic and whining, achy, coughing, and super clingy.  Just like all the other kids in the waiting room–who all were diagnosed with H1N1.  So Dr Stephens gave her a prescription for Tamiflu, and then he wrote a pre-emptive prescription for Gracie as well.  We ended up filling both of them since Gracie also spiked a fever that night, and by the time their Tamiflu was gone, they both felt great.  I, on the other hand, am still suffering!  There’s a Tamiflu shortage in Oklahoma, so even though I was lucky enough to participate in this amazing pandemic, I was not allowed a prescription for it.  Oh well.  I’m not contagious, and I missed a week and a half of work, but now that I’m done with it, I think we’re all immune from getting it again.  Let’s hope so!  That really sucked!

This is what swine flu looks like in our house:

Chris carried Clorox spray around with him like a weapon and wore a mask to protect himself.  Also, he spent a lot of time isolated in his office. The last thing we need is for him to be bringing swine flu all over the metro into clients’ houses.  So far, so good!  He’s feeling great and started his job at Starbucks on the 5th.  He’s been training and yesterday he got his apron.  I know it’s not been easy for him because he’s talked about how humbling it is.  It’s a strange place to be, a business owner with a successfully budding operation in the afternoons, evenings and weekends, then wiping down tables and taking coffee orders in the mornings.  But this is the way we have chosen to stay out of debt.  Small businesses like ours don’t NEED loans, although it would have been nice for some working capital.  But we figure this way, as soon as we are making the kind of money we need to live, we don’t have to share it–plus interest–with the bank!  I’m so proud of him.  I don’t know if he’ll ever know how much.  But when we look back from the successful business he created out of “nothing” I think he will be thrilled to confirm he did it the right way.    It is a strange feeling though, to know he’s working a normal everyday job in the mornings for pennies, and then in the afternoon, he’s going to a clients’ house for hundreds.  What a strange place to be, but humbling and awesome.  My prediction is it won’t be a year before he will be cutting back hours at Starbucks to focus solely on the business.  And when he does this, it will go without saying–we made it!  And we WILL make it! I have so much hope in this and in our future as a family.  We truly feel like this is what we are supposed to be doing and it is a natural fit.  Feels good to be where you’re supposed to be, doing what you’re supposed to be doing, and loving it.  I personally love the fact that he’s less stressed now and he’s home with us more.  And the free Starbucks certainly doesn’t hurt either!

Let’s see… what else?  Oh!  Gracie had her field trip to the pumpkin patch!  Here’s some pics from the crazy day!  I was the parent responsible for Ian, Alexa and Miss Gracie.  The kids really had a great time and they were really good kids!  I loved being “that parent” who gets to come to stuff like that.  Just a few years ago, I couldn’t be the parent that could go to all this stuff  and I’m totally making up for lost time now!  Watch for pics of Trinity’s field trip too–I’ll be going back to Chester’s with her school tomorrow.  That’s a lot of pumpkin patching! And I’m enjoying it so much!

Stay tuned for pics of tomorrow’s trip, and perhaps maybe a pumpkin carving session or two!  I’m taking advantage of the season, life is just way too short!